I've made my decision finally. I will be using the services of both Tumblr and WordPress as I just couldn't seem to decide which of which I wanted to use. And so they both have their own individual touch of Moyness to them, I've given them specific types of postings.
I decided to use Tumblr for the postings of videos, pictures, or any other discussion of topics that other people are interested in such as recent current events or events regarding the past such as the whole 2008 election last year. That content could be found here: www.rb1214.tumblr.com
WordPress will be used for sort of the same purposes as this blog. To continue with what's going on in my life and how I feel about things that are happening to me personally and/or talking about things I've been thinking about lately. That stuff can be found here: www.rb1214.wordpress.com
As for this blog, you never know when it may arise again, but there is no guarantee that those other two blogs will live on forever as well. One of these three will end up becoming triumphant and being the last one standing.
And so, go ahead and read what is posted on those blogs. Thank me for now you have more to do on the internet than refreshing your Twitter page or watching lame YouTube videos all day.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Moving Again
I woke up this morning feeling like I needed to move elsewhere. Blogwise.
I feel like I need a different place to blog again and I know it's beginning to get confusing as I always end up switching places when it came to blogs. But this isn't a definite move.
I just don't like this layout here on blogspot and even though I could always change and swap to a new theme, this was the only theme that I liked in the first place.
So I decided to check out two blog sites and see how comfortable I am there. I like Tumblr's ability for you to take control of customization by letting you mess with the HTML coding and I love Wordpress's simplicity and straight-to-the-point feel.
Blogspot to me now seems a little clunky and I don't know why, but I've had this feeling for a while now. I have no idea why. But that's not to say that Blogspot is like the horrid Xanga which I despise. (exaggeration intended)
But here are the two blogs that I've set up. I'll see which one I like. All I can say is that Wordpress is winning right now.
www.rb1214.tumblr.com
www.rb1214.wordpress.com
Until then, see you here or one of those.
I feel like I need a different place to blog again and I know it's beginning to get confusing as I always end up switching places when it came to blogs. But this isn't a definite move.
I just don't like this layout here on blogspot and even though I could always change and swap to a new theme, this was the only theme that I liked in the first place.
So I decided to check out two blog sites and see how comfortable I am there. I like Tumblr's ability for you to take control of customization by letting you mess with the HTML coding and I love Wordpress's simplicity and straight-to-the-point feel.
Blogspot to me now seems a little clunky and I don't know why, but I've had this feeling for a while now. I have no idea why. But that's not to say that Blogspot is like the horrid Xanga which I despise. (exaggeration intended)
But here are the two blogs that I've set up. I'll see which one I like. All I can say is that Wordpress is winning right now.
www.rb1214.tumblr.com
www.rb1214.wordpress.com
Until then, see you here or one of those.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Reeled In
On lonely summer days (or any other regular day) such as today, my "favorite" activity is to lay back in silence and think of anything that just suddenly pops into my head. To be more precise, I reflect on who I've been and what my life may mean to others or what my existence means to others.
I learn a lot about myself and about other things through just a few hours of thought to myself and I always end up trying to find ways to resolve a few issues and other concerns that surround or involve my life.
Sometimes what I think of can be a very happy thing such as knowing that I have some friends that actually care about me or they could deeply sad things like I do have the possibility that I may fail at becoming a director or be a horrible guy in the future.
Either way, I use my alone time to ponder upon the many different scenarios and hypothetical situations that my brain cooks up and try to figure out what I would do if these all occurred in reality.
I have hours to myself so mind as well try and set up everything as real as possible so of course I wouldn't think that if someone were to rob my house, I would attack straight on. I really just wouldn't know what to do.
Such a dangerous issue requires quick-witted action, but questions always pop up such as what kind of resources are in the room can I use to defend myself, is there another room I can escape to with a door I can lock, and so on.
But that's besides the point. Basically, I find myself thinking for a long time and it's usually something derogatory on myself. I can't help but see myself in a negative light and I usually think that I am a nuisance to the people who are forced to be around me or just happen to have me in their life.
If you've been following this blog since its beginning, you know I've had problems in being social and you know by now that I blame myself for everything later on for things in the past. Even those that may not have been my fault.
My conscience always tells me that those are all happenings of the past and that I should just let them go, but the more naive part of me always tells me that it will forever haunt me no matter what.
I usually listen to Mr. Naive and try to become more quiet and silent, but I always fail at that. It's as if every time I try to be less and less in the picture of other people's lives, sometimes always back to bring me back in like a fishing rod.
Maybe it could be that I naturally have gotten to the "don't care what others say about you" attitude despite how I think that I still may care.
It's confusing. At times of deep thought, I have the choices of listening to either suggestions that my brain comes up with or I could just ignore both and not really care about anything else in the world.
But in the end, it doesn't matter what choice I make because I always end up doing the same things all over again.
Being stupid and doing stupid things.
I learn a lot about myself and about other things through just a few hours of thought to myself and I always end up trying to find ways to resolve a few issues and other concerns that surround or involve my life.
Sometimes what I think of can be a very happy thing such as knowing that I have some friends that actually care about me or they could deeply sad things like I do have the possibility that I may fail at becoming a director or be a horrible guy in the future.
Either way, I use my alone time to ponder upon the many different scenarios and hypothetical situations that my brain cooks up and try to figure out what I would do if these all occurred in reality.
I have hours to myself so mind as well try and set up everything as real as possible so of course I wouldn't think that if someone were to rob my house, I would attack straight on. I really just wouldn't know what to do.
Such a dangerous issue requires quick-witted action, but questions always pop up such as what kind of resources are in the room can I use to defend myself, is there another room I can escape to with a door I can lock, and so on.
But that's besides the point. Basically, I find myself thinking for a long time and it's usually something derogatory on myself. I can't help but see myself in a negative light and I usually think that I am a nuisance to the people who are forced to be around me or just happen to have me in their life.
If you've been following this blog since its beginning, you know I've had problems in being social and you know by now that I blame myself for everything later on for things in the past. Even those that may not have been my fault.
My conscience always tells me that those are all happenings of the past and that I should just let them go, but the more naive part of me always tells me that it will forever haunt me no matter what.
I usually listen to Mr. Naive and try to become more quiet and silent, but I always fail at that. It's as if every time I try to be less and less in the picture of other people's lives, sometimes always back to bring me back in like a fishing rod.
Maybe it could be that I naturally have gotten to the "don't care what others say about you" attitude despite how I think that I still may care.
It's confusing. At times of deep thought, I have the choices of listening to either suggestions that my brain comes up with or I could just ignore both and not really care about anything else in the world.
But in the end, it doesn't matter what choice I make because I always end up doing the same things all over again.
Being stupid and doing stupid things.
Saturday, June 20, 2009
No See
Although I always want to do certain activities over the summer, even those that I could do on any other regular day, I always happen to not do them and complain to myself that I have nothing to do.
Some examples may be that before school ended, I wanted to watch a couple of movies or play a few video games, but I never fulfill these requests when I finally get the chance. It's annoying that I don't do what I want to do because I choose not to do what I want to do. Sometimes smacking myself in the head is a great alternative to knock some sense back into me.
But that is besides the point. The feeling of summer may just have that effect whereas it just makes me so lazy that all the many different activities that I wanted to do that were considered "lazy work" just aren't lazy enough to reach my level of laziness.
Who knows? But there can be other reasons. The reasons being that I'm still entirely pooped by two days of filming on Wednesday and Thursday with my two best buddies. Or maybe it could be that I'm still trying to see what exactly I want on my iPod. Or maybe I just can't decide whether I want to watch Scrubs or X-Men or if I want to play Final Fantasy or the Legend of Zelda.
It's hard trying to decide which out of some many things that you want to do. Eventually it just builds up so much that you just don't any of them anymore and give yourself some time to think it over. But thinking it over can be such a long time. It can begin from the beginning of summer to when summer has finally ended.
Amazing, isn't it?
I'm currently pondering upon what I want to do to be honest. I have so many choices to choose from, but I just don't know what to do. If there were a machine that would allow you to multi-task at everything you want to do and have the same enjoyment as if you were doing only one of each, then you bet I'd want to buy that machine.
But until then, I'll be blogging it up here, I guess. It sure has been quite a long time though and I shall rebel against Twitter for destroying my blog.
I should spend more time here. So, until the next blog post, please enjoy Jon and I's new video, Cereal Killer. I hope you all enjoy!
Some examples may be that before school ended, I wanted to watch a couple of movies or play a few video games, but I never fulfill these requests when I finally get the chance. It's annoying that I don't do what I want to do because I choose not to do what I want to do. Sometimes smacking myself in the head is a great alternative to knock some sense back into me.
But that is besides the point. The feeling of summer may just have that effect whereas it just makes me so lazy that all the many different activities that I wanted to do that were considered "lazy work" just aren't lazy enough to reach my level of laziness.
Who knows? But there can be other reasons. The reasons being that I'm still entirely pooped by two days of filming on Wednesday and Thursday with my two best buddies. Or maybe it could be that I'm still trying to see what exactly I want on my iPod. Or maybe I just can't decide whether I want to watch Scrubs or X-Men or if I want to play Final Fantasy or the Legend of Zelda.
It's hard trying to decide which out of some many things that you want to do. Eventually it just builds up so much that you just don't any of them anymore and give yourself some time to think it over. But thinking it over can be such a long time. It can begin from the beginning of summer to when summer has finally ended.
Amazing, isn't it?
I'm currently pondering upon what I want to do to be honest. I have so many choices to choose from, but I just don't know what to do. If there were a machine that would allow you to multi-task at everything you want to do and have the same enjoyment as if you were doing only one of each, then you bet I'd want to buy that machine.
But until then, I'll be blogging it up here, I guess. It sure has been quite a long time though and I shall rebel against Twitter for destroying my blog.
I should spend more time here. So, until the next blog post, please enjoy Jon and I's new video, Cereal Killer. I hope you all enjoy!
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
It's A Wonderful Life
After my grandmother passed away in 2005, it was time I had to do things all on my own. But since my older brother was just like my grandmother in taking care of me, I decided to not grow up and do things all on my own and took advantage of my brother's kindness of continuing what my grandmother was already doing.
Yes, I was a big baby. But that's what I was. I was a boy in his middle school days needing his older brother to help him from crawling to walking and everyone was pressuring me and looking down on me for always depending on my brother for almost everything.
Through middle school, I also had to dealt with growing up that I can't have everything I want and that things cannot go my way and so in order to make it my way, I tried to make everyone feel sorry for all the things that they've done to me or try to find some way to "get revenge".
Well, in short, I had to deal with all the consequences of not knowing that not everything can just go your way. I humiliated myself by always making things bigger than they seem and wanted everyone to think of me as the guy who was destined to go to hell or marked for death. Really stupid stuff.
I wanted all of that behind me and I wanted to pretend like none of that stuff ever happened. But we all know that you can't put everything behind you like that even if it's so big that it's affected a part of your social life or any other part.
Beginning of freshman year, I thought, "Maybe I should show people I could change."
I tried and I ultimately failed. I succeeded in changing, but I feel like that I have morphed into a bigot and an ungrateful jerk. I feel like everything has just gone wrong and I'm worser than what I've been before.
Nothing changed at all except the chains on my brother's wrists have gotten looser and for that I still feel angry at myself.
Everyday I feel like I've failed in being the person I've always wanted to be. The guy who just wanted to make everything better. The person to brighten up a person's day, but I feel as if I've never done so. In fact, I don't think I ever have.
Everyday after doing something that has made me look horrible or doing something that I'm completely against, I suddenly reflect on all the things that I've done. Even the things that I wished I could put behind me.
All the small things and tiny problems that don't really matter anymore suddenly become a big role in my thoughts and they only add on to how my account myself to all the bad things that have happened in everyone's life.
I never think before I act and it's because of that that I always wish that I never communicated with anyone including my brothers and always kept to myself.
I always think that I just add on stress to others and that I have a very annoying personality making me want to never speak to anyone.
I also feel responsible for things that may not even be anyway affiliated with me and I always feel like I've changed and become a punk just to hide everything that's actually hurting me.
I feel that I can never open up to anybody and that people will never realize that I'm just so confused in my head and I don't know who I really am.
Sometimes, I could get that feeling where I wish I had never been born.
Sometimes, I wonder how things would be like if I had been born to another family or if I were nothing at all. Never existing.
And that is when my imagination turns dark and leaves me in wonder.
Sometimes, I wish I had never been born.
Yes, I was a big baby. But that's what I was. I was a boy in his middle school days needing his older brother to help him from crawling to walking and everyone was pressuring me and looking down on me for always depending on my brother for almost everything.
Through middle school, I also had to dealt with growing up that I can't have everything I want and that things cannot go my way and so in order to make it my way, I tried to make everyone feel sorry for all the things that they've done to me or try to find some way to "get revenge".
Well, in short, I had to deal with all the consequences of not knowing that not everything can just go your way. I humiliated myself by always making things bigger than they seem and wanted everyone to think of me as the guy who was destined to go to hell or marked for death. Really stupid stuff.
I wanted all of that behind me and I wanted to pretend like none of that stuff ever happened. But we all know that you can't put everything behind you like that even if it's so big that it's affected a part of your social life or any other part.
Beginning of freshman year, I thought, "Maybe I should show people I could change."
I tried and I ultimately failed. I succeeded in changing, but I feel like that I have morphed into a bigot and an ungrateful jerk. I feel like everything has just gone wrong and I'm worser than what I've been before.
Nothing changed at all except the chains on my brother's wrists have gotten looser and for that I still feel angry at myself.
Everyday I feel like I've failed in being the person I've always wanted to be. The guy who just wanted to make everything better. The person to brighten up a person's day, but I feel as if I've never done so. In fact, I don't think I ever have.
Everyday after doing something that has made me look horrible or doing something that I'm completely against, I suddenly reflect on all the things that I've done. Even the things that I wished I could put behind me.
All the small things and tiny problems that don't really matter anymore suddenly become a big role in my thoughts and they only add on to how my account myself to all the bad things that have happened in everyone's life.
I never think before I act and it's because of that that I always wish that I never communicated with anyone including my brothers and always kept to myself.
I always think that I just add on stress to others and that I have a very annoying personality making me want to never speak to anyone.
I also feel responsible for things that may not even be anyway affiliated with me and I always feel like I've changed and become a punk just to hide everything that's actually hurting me.
I feel that I can never open up to anybody and that people will never realize that I'm just so confused in my head and I don't know who I really am.
Sometimes, I could get that feeling where I wish I had never been born.
Sometimes, I wonder how things would be like if I had been born to another family or if I were nothing at all. Never existing.
And that is when my imagination turns dark and leaves me in wonder.
Sometimes, I wish I had never been born.
Monday, June 15, 2009
@You
"tweets do destroy a lot of blog content, I'm actually about to write my first blog worthy entry in a while."
in reply to moymoy1214 from yulster
Ever since Twitter happened, I haven't really been giving out the blog posts that those who read this blog deserve. Of course, I really don't care because none of my friends know about this blog at all unless they've become a stalker and searched my name up on Google.
Although Twitter is efficient in enabling me to easily say what is on my mind and get straight to the point in 140 characters or less instead of long paragraphs of details, it destroys the point of blogging.
To me, blogging means to give as much information or as much backbone to a certain subject until you've proven your point or you've basically finished the campfire story you wanted to broadcast to those whom you'd rather communicate through paragraphs.
Twitter cannot provide that. However, I cannot fully blame Twitter for "destroying" my blog. It may just be me who decided not to blog that much due to my cut from making video blogs.
Maybe it's because I don't want to share as much as I used to because the stuff I used to share were just things that nobody really cared about. That could possibly be it.
But blogging used to be my way of passing time and now that Twitter can already shorten things a great deal for me, I have more than hour's worth of extra time. I usually spend around 30 minutes to an hour typing blogs as I used to always make sure that I've proven my point on a subject or what have you.
Let us just hope that I come back to blogging some day and I hope that others will not give up as well.
Other than that, the only issue about my blog right now is the Picture of the Month because due to being unable to access my digital camera and the camera of my iPhone, I can't get any pictures uploaded as soon as I want to.
And I guess also because whatever pictures are taken on my iPhone are already uploaded onto Twitter. But who's to say that the POTM always had to be a surprise?
Well, until then, don't follow me on Twitter and come here and read what's cooking. I'll be sleeping for the whole vacation.
P.S. This blog is becoming a rant center for profanity. Why must I soil my blog with naughty words?
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Make Me Happy
I can just never stop thinking of different ways to make people happy in my head. How I can brighten up someone's day or how I can show them how much I appreciate them or show they we do have some sort of bond that either makes us family or friends.
But the only issue is that I can just never make those thoughts into a reality...or well, most of the time.
I've had my friends tell me that everything is going just fine and that I need not do anymore for them because it just makes me sadder and sadder because I feel like I haven't done enough for them. And if I keep up that attitude, the more I'll start to think they're just saying that so I don't have my feelings hurt and try even harder to make things up for my "un-appreciation". (not even a word)
I guess my friends are just happy that I always think about them and that I always want to try and help them besides all the failures I've done for them.
I always set up my own image in my head that I'm just ungrateful or a bad guy and that I shouldn't really have any friends because of my personality. It's just the way I've felt. I'm always just trying to find some way to bash myself against a wall, figuratively.
I can just never stop trying to find ways to make up for all my failed attempts to do something right and I can just never stop being a downer on myself for all of 'em. But I guess that's what makes me so likable to my friends. Because I'm trying to do something for them and at least keeping them in mind almost all the time.
I'm also pretty sure they know that I have a lot of other things in mind that I have to take care of and that I just don't have all the time in the world to do everything that I want to do and they understand that.
And knowing that my friends are already happy that I'm always thinking about them makes me happy and laugh at how weird and ironic that is.
Normally, I would end this post negatively, but I wouldn't want to bring you peeps down knowing that I'm still be hard on myself. So, I'll let you guys go living on your life without me dragging behind you hanging onto your thighs.
Until next time, see you later.
But the only issue is that I can just never make those thoughts into a reality...or well, most of the time.
I've had my friends tell me that everything is going just fine and that I need not do anymore for them because it just makes me sadder and sadder because I feel like I haven't done enough for them. And if I keep up that attitude, the more I'll start to think they're just saying that so I don't have my feelings hurt and try even harder to make things up for my "un-appreciation". (not even a word)
I guess my friends are just happy that I always think about them and that I always want to try and help them besides all the failures I've done for them.
I always set up my own image in my head that I'm just ungrateful or a bad guy and that I shouldn't really have any friends because of my personality. It's just the way I've felt. I'm always just trying to find some way to bash myself against a wall, figuratively.
I can just never stop trying to find ways to make up for all my failed attempts to do something right and I can just never stop being a downer on myself for all of 'em. But I guess that's what makes me so likable to my friends. Because I'm trying to do something for them and at least keeping them in mind almost all the time.
I'm also pretty sure they know that I have a lot of other things in mind that I have to take care of and that I just don't have all the time in the world to do everything that I want to do and they understand that.
And knowing that my friends are already happy that I'm always thinking about them makes me happy and laugh at how weird and ironic that is.
Normally, I would end this post negatively, but I wouldn't want to bring you peeps down knowing that I'm still be hard on myself. So, I'll let you guys go living on your life without me dragging behind you hanging onto your thighs.
Until next time, see you later.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
